Are We Speaking the Same Language? Love Language that is.

How to get on the same page with your partner and their needs.

I am sure most of you have heard about the Five Love Languages. You have probably already taken a quiz and asked you partner to take the quiz too 😊 This article offers even more clarity and background on this relationship tool. Love languages are a concept introduced by author Gary Chapman in his book "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts". The idea is that people have different ways of expressing and receiving love, and that understanding your partner's love language can help improve your relationship. The five love languages are:

• Acts of Service: People who have this love language feel loved when their partner does things for them such as running errands, doing laundry, walking the dog, or cooking dinner.
• Quality Time: People who have this love language feel loved when they spend uninterrupted time with their partner. They enjoy engaging and meaningful conversations and doing activities together.
• Physical Touch: those who have this love language feel loved when they get physical affection such as kisses and hugs, holding hands, massages, hands on their lower back and time in the sheets.
• Words of Affirmation: People who have this love language feel loved and appreciated when their partner gives them compliments, praise, verbal expressions of affection and encouragement and acceptance.
• Receiving Gifts: Those who have this as their love language feel loved when they receive gifts from their partner. They feel loved when it’s obvious their partner was thinking about them by buying them something thoughtful and meaningful to them and their relationship.

It’s important to know our own love language but it is just as important or more so to understand that of our partner. How do we show them we love them and make them feel our love? Through THEIR love language. That can feel hard to do since it might not be the same as our own. In some cases we need to go out of our way to show our partner love in a way they can receive it i.e. using their love language.

For example, if my love language is words of affirmation but my partner’s love language is physical touch I will need to make an effort to hold their hand, reach for them or put my hand on their back throughout the day. But I also need to make it clear to my partner that when they verbally acknowledge the hard work I have put in or the sexy new outfit I bought that really helps me feel closer to them. This works in tandem so that then I am more open to being physical because my cup is also full 😊See how that works 😉huh,huh…

Have you figured out your love language yet? You can buy the book or even find great resources online that offer quick quizzes or tools to find out. I encouraged this step even as a fun way to connect and learn more about each other.

Understanding you partner’s love language helps you communicate your love more clearly and effectively. This is also a way for our emotional needs to be met. It’s also important to note that we each have a primary love language but we also appreciate other love languages as well. There isn’t just one way to make each other feel loved, phew….IKR. These can also change over time and can have it’s own outside influences such as personality, background and other past experiences.

Expressing love in ways that resonate with both of you helps to strengthen your relationship and build deeper emotional connections. It’s essential to learn your partner’s love language to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

So if you are struggling to connect with your partner the two of you could be sharing your love for one another in a way that does not feel genuine or resonate well with your partner. Take this step to learn more about the Five Love Languages and about yourselves.

When that still feels like it’s not enough or the two of you are still struggling, reach out for outside guidance. Couples therapy is a great option.

If you are located in Missouri reach out to me today for a connection call or to book our first session. I would love to work with you to get your relationship back on track. Because great relationships require intentionality and work.

-Katheryn Barton

Uplift and Connect Counseling             

314-325-4922